You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize