woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
