I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My balls are so social today.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
