Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
