yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
