I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
