my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Buhtt sex?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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