I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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