She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
