Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
