When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Pooping to opera.
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