people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
