i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
