Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
