Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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