Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
