I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
