Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
