32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
