Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
