My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
