shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
