just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
