She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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