I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
