I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
