is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
