I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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