First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
