Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
