The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize