I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
