As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
should my penis look like a turkey
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
