Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
