You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
