A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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