they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
