turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
