Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
