I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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