I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
