I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
