i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
