what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
