What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
