apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
