Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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