i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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