Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
