he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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