My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
