about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
