It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
