Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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