If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You are a genius and a whore.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
