I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
