I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
