Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
