Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
