she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
