Umm I'm too high to move.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
