what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
