Princesses don't give blow jobs
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
