I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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