1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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