literally had 100 drinks last night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
