we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
