based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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