Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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