The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
