Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
