what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
