The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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