so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
