I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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