You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
