You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
